BE A WINNER--ACTION STEPS

 Let me close this chapter with the eight action steps discussed earlier:

1. Be a good finder.

2. Make a habit of doing it now. 

3. Develop an attitude of gratitude. 

4. Get into a continuous education program. 

5. Build positive self-esteem.

6. Stay away from negative influences. 

7. Learn to like the things that need to be done. 8. Start your day with a positive.

WINNERS VERSUS LOSERS

The Winner is always part of the answer;

 The Loser is always part of the problem.

 The Winner always has a program;

 The Loser always has an excuse.

 The Winner says, "Let me do it for you";

 The Loser says, "That is not my job."

 The Winner sees an answer for every problem;

 The Loser sees a problem for every answer.

The Winner says, "It may be difficult but it is possible";
The Loser says, "It may be possible but it is too difficult."

 When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, "I was wrong";

 When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, "It wasn't my fault."

A Winner makes commitments;

 A Loser makes promises.

Winners have dreams;

 Losers have schemes.

Winners say, "I must do something";

 Losers say, "Something must be done."

 Winners are a part of the team;

 Losers are apart from the team.

 Winners see the gain;

 Losers see the pain.

Winners see possibilities;

 Losers see problems.

 Winners believe in win-win;

 Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose.

 Winners see the potential;

 Losers see the past.

Winners are like a thermostat;

 Losers are like thermometers.

 Winners choose what they say;

 Losers say what they choose. 

Winners use hard arguments but soft words; 

Losers use soft arguments but hard words.

 Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things;

 Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.

 Winners follow the philosophy of empathy: "Don't do to others what you would not want them to do to you";

Losers follow the philosophy, "Do it to others before they do it to you."

 Winners make it happen;

 Losers let it happen.

 Winners plan and prepare to win.

 The key word is preparation.

Learn to Like the Things That Need to be Done & Start Your Day with a Positive

Step 7: 

Learn to Like the Things That Need to be

 Done Some things need to be done whether we like them or not; for example, mothers caring for their young. They may not be fun and games, and may even be painful. But if we learn to like the task, the impossible becomes possible. 

Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

 --St. Francis of Assisi

Step 8:

 Start Your Day with a Positive

 Read or listen to something positive first thing in the morning. After a good night's sleep we are relaxed and our subconscious is receptive. It sets the tone for the day, and puts us in the right frame of mind to make every day a positive day. In order to bring about change, we need to make a conscious effort Andre committed to make positive thoughts and behavior part of our lives. Practice having positive thoughts and behavior daily until they become a habit. William James of Harvard University said, "If you are going to change your life, you need to start immediately and do it flamboyantly."

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 * As mentioned in Jerry Johnson's book It's Killing Our Kids, p. xvi.

Negative Movies and Television Programs

. 4. Negative Movies and Television Programs
 Today's kids are learning their attitudes and values more from television and movies than from anywhere else. It is estimated that in the United States, by the time a youngster gets out of high school, he has watched more than 20,000 hours of television, witnessed 15,000 murders, and watched 100,000 alcohol-related commercials.* They convey the message that drinking is fun, smoking is glamorous, and drugs are the "in" thing. No wonder the crime rate is so high!

 Soap operas glamorize premarital and extramarital sex. No wonder commitments are lacking in relationships and divorce rates are high. Impressionable viewers set their standards and benchmarks based on what they see and hear in the media. And no matter who it is, we are all impressionable to varying degrees.

 5. Profanity
 Using profanities show a lack of self-control and discipline.

 6. Rock Music 
The lyrics of some hit songs are obscene. We can be subconsciously influenced by the music we hear and the performance we watch. 

Pornography

3. Pornography

 Pornography is nothing short of dehumanizing women and children.

 The consequences of pornography are that it 

• dehumanizes women 
• victimizes children 
• destroys marriages 
• encourages sexual violence 
• makes fun of ethical and moral values
•  destroys individuals, families, and communities

A woman is raped in the United States every 46 seconds. (National Victim Center/crime Victims Research and Treatment Center, 1992). Eighty-six percent of rapists admit to regular use of pornography, with 57 percent admitting imitation of pornography scenes when committing sex crimes (Dr. William Marshall, 1988).* *

 It is sad to see how low some people will stoop to make a buck by making pornography their business. What about the sick people who buy it? * ''In his book It's Killing Our Kids, Word Publishing, p. xv. ** From the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, Annual Report, 1995. 

Smoking, Drugs and Alcohol

2. Smoking, Drugs and Alcohol 

One reason that I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

--Lady Astor 

Drinking makes a person lose his inhibitions and give exhibitions.

                    

 In our travels, we have noticed that in some countries drinking has become a national pastime. If you don't drink, they look at you as if there is something wrong. Their motto is: "It doesn't matter how bad your English is, as long as your Scotch is good." If a banker asked them what their liquid assets are, they would bring two bottles of Scotch.

 Drinking and smoking are glamorized today. It all starts with the first time. If you ask people why they consume alcohol or take drugs, they will give you a host of reasons, such as: to celebrate; to have fun; to forget problems; to relax; to experiment; to impress (it is cool to drink); to be fashionable; to mingle; for business purposes. 

People want to conform to peer pressure. I am amazed at the way peer pressure compels with phrases such as: "Aren't you my friend?"; "One for the road"; "One for my health."

The following poem from an unknown author explains the dilemma of a social drinker well 

I've drunk to your Health

 in taverns,

 I've drunk to your 

Health in my home,

 I've drunk to your

 Health so damn

 many times,

 That I've almost

 ruined my own!

 Drinking and driving cost lives. According to Jerry Johnson,* the American Hospital Association reports that half of all hospital admissions are alcohol-related and according to the National Safety Council's 1989 Accident Facts Edition, a person is injured in an alcohol-related crash every 60 seconds. 

Stay Away from Negative Influences

Step 6: 

 Today's teenagers learn from adult behavior and the media. They face peer pressure. Peer pressure is not just limited to teenagers, it is also prevalent in adults. It shows a lack of self-esteem when people do not have the courage to say "No, thank you," and stay away from negative influences: What are the negative influences?

 1. Negative People

•  An eagle's egg was placed in the nest of a prairie chicken. The egg hatched and the little eagle grew up thinking it was a prairie chicken. The eagle did what the prairie chickens did. It scratched in the dirt for seeds. It clucked and cackled. It never flew more than a few feet because that is what the prairie chickens did. One day he saw an eagle flying gracefully and majestically in the open sky. He asked the prairie chickens: "What is that beautiful bird?" The chickens replied, "That is an eagle. He is an outstanding bird, but you cannot fly like him because you are just a prairie chicken." So the eagle never gave it a second thought, believing that to be the truth. He lived the life of and died a prairie chicken, depriving himself of his heritage because of his lack of vision. What a waste! He was born to win, but was conditioned to lose.

 The same thing is true of most people. The unfortunate part of life is as Oliver Wendall Holmes said, "Most people go to their graves, with music still in them." We don't achieve excellence because of our own lack of vision.

 If you want to soar like an eagle, you have to learn the ways of an eagle. If you associate with achievers, you will become one. If you associate with thinkers, you will become one. If you associate with givers, you will become one.

 If you associate with complainers, you will become one. Whenever people succeed in life, petty people will take cracks at them and try to pull them down. When you refuse to fight petty people, you win. In martial arts, they teach that when someone takes a crack at you, instead of blocking

you should step away. Why? Even to block you require energy. Why not use it more productively? Similarly, in order to fight petty people, you have to come down to their level. This is what they want, because now you are one of them.
 Don't let negative people drag you down. Remember, a person's character is not only judged by the company he or she keeps but also by the company he or she avoids. 

How Do We Build Positive Self-Esteem?

 If you want to build positive self-esteem quickly, one of the fastest ways is to do something for others who cannot repay you in cash or kind.

This one phrase, "It is my life, I will do what I want," has done more damage than good. People choose to ignore the spirit and derive the meaning that is convenient to them. Such people have tied this phrase to selfishness and I'm sure that was not the intent.

 These people forget that we don't live in isolation. What you do affects me and what I do affects you. We are connected. We have to realize that we are sharing this planet and we must learn to behave responsibly.

 There are two kinds of people in this world--takers and givers. Takers eat well and givers sleep well. Givers have high self-esteem, a positive attitude, and they serve society. By serving society, I do not mean a run-of-the-mill pseudo leader-turned-politician who serves himself by pretending to serve others. 

As human beings, we all have the need to receive and take. But a healthy personality with high self-esteem is one that not only has its need to take but also to give. 

• A man was washing his new car when his neighbor asked him, "When did you get the car?" He replied "My brother gave it to me." The neighbor's response was, "I wish l had a car like that." The man replied, "You should wish to have a brother like that." The neighbor's wife was listening to the conversation and she interrupted, "I wish I was a brother like that." What a way to go! 

Education is a Reservoir

 Positive thinkers are like athletes who, through practice, build an inner reservoir of stamina that they draw on in competition. If they don't practice, they have nothing to draw on.
 Similarly, positive thinkers regularly build a reserve of positive attitude by constantly feeding their mind on the pure, the powerful and the positive on a daily basis. They realize that we are all going to be faced with the negative and if we have the reserve of positive attitude we will be able to overcome; otherwise the negative will prevail. Positive thinkers are not fools and they are not going through life with blinders. They are winners who recognize their limitations, but focus on their strengths. Losers, on the other hand, recognize their strengths but focus on their weaknesses. 

Step 5: 
Build a Positive Self-Esteem
 What is Self-Esteem? Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves. When we feel good within, our performance goes up, our relationships improve both at home and at work. The world looks nicer. What is the reason? There is a direct correlation between feeling and behavior. 

Feed Your Mind

Just like our bodies need good food every day, our minds need good thoughts every day. The key words in the preceding sentence are good food and good thoughts. If we feed our body with junk food and our mind with bad thoughts, we will have both a sick body and mind. We need to feed our mind with the pure and the positive to stay on track. Through constant practice and exposure, we can learn the principles that make a person successful just like we learn to play basketball. 

Knowledge is Power

 We hear every day that knowledge is power. Not really. Knowledge is information. It is potential power and it becomes power only when it is acted upon. What is the difference between a person who cannot read and a person who can but does not read? Not a whole lot. Learning is like eating food. It is not how much you eat that matters, what counts is how much you digest. Knowledge is potential power, wisdom is real power. Education takes many forms, it is not just grades and a degree. It is cultivating your strength learning self-discipline listening desiring to learn .Our minds, like muscles, stretch or shrink depending on how much or how little we exercise them.

 If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. 
--Derek Bok 
Continuous positive education leads to positive thinking. 

Commonsense

 Education and knowledge without common sense has little meaning. Common sense is the ability to see things as they are and do them as they ought to be done. We are born with five senses touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing. But successful people have a sixth sense common sense. Common sense is gained in spite of, not necessarily as a result of, education. The best education without common sense is worthless. An abundance of common sense is called wisdom.

 SHARPEN YOUR AXE 

• Jo John, a woodcutter, worked for a company for five years but never got a raise. The company hired Bill and within a year he got a raise. This caused resentment in John and he went to his boss to talk about it. The boss said, "You are still cutting the same number of trees you were cutting five years ago. We are a result-oriented company and would be happy to give you a raise if your productivity goes up." John went back, started hitting harder and putting in longer hours but he still wasn't able to cut more trees. He went back to his boss and told him his dilemma. The boss told John to go talk to Bill. "Maybe there is something Bill knows that you and l don't." John asked Bill how he managed to cut more trees. Bill answered, "After every tree l cut, l take a break for two minutes and sharpen my axe. When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" 

This question hit home like a bullet and John got his answer. My question is, when was the last time you sharpened your axe? Past glory and education don't do it. We have to continuously sharpen the axe.

We are All Gifted with Some Strengths

 The small size of the hummingbird, weighing only a tenth of an ounce, gives it the flexibility to perform complicated maneuvers, such as beating its wings 75 times a second. This enables the hummingbird to drink nectar from flowers while hovering but it cannot soar, glide or hop. The ostrich, at 300 pounds, is the largest bird but it can't fly. However, its legs are so strong that it can run at up to 50 miles per hour, taking strides of 12--15 feet.

 Ignorance
 Illusion of knowledge is not education, but ignorance. Foolish people have a strange kind of confidence which comes only with ignorance.

Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn to do things the right way.
 --Benjamin Franklin

 There is nothing wrong with ignorance, but making a career out of it is stupidity. Some people accumulate ignorance and they confuse it with education. Ignorance is not bliss. It is misery, tragedy, poverty, and sickness. If ignorance were bliss, how come not more people are happy? If a little knowledge is dangerous, so is a lot of ignorance which leads to pettiness, fear, dogmatism, egotism, and prejudice. Wisdom is nothing more than dispelling ignorance.
 We live in an information age. It is estimated that the amount of knowledge is doubling every year. With information so readily available, it is easy to dispel ignorance. It is sad to see that we are taught everything but the most essential things. We are taught the three R's (reading, writing, arithmetic), but what good is intellectual education without understanding human dignity and compassion? Schools are a fountain of knowledge: some students come to drink , some to sip and others just to gargle. 

What is a Broad-Based Education?

•  Some animals in a forest decided to start a school. The students included a bird, a squirrel, a fish, a dog , a rabbit & a mentally retarded eel. A board was formed and it was decided that flying, tree climbing, swimming, and burrowing would be part of the curriculum in order to give a broad-based education. All animals were required to take all subjects. The bird was excellent at flying and was getting A's but when it came to burrowing, it kept breaking its beak and wings and started failing. Pretty soon, it started making C's in flying and of course in tree climbing and swimming it was getting F's. The squirrel was great at tree climbing and was getting A's, but was failing in swimming. The fish was the best swimmer but couldn't get out of the water and got F's in everything else. The dog didn't join the school, stopped paying taxes and kept fighting with the administration to include barking as part of the curriculum. The rabbit got A's in burrowing but tree climbing was a real problem. It kept falling and landing on its head, suffered brain damage, and soon couldn't even burrow properly and got C's in that too. The mentally retarded eel, who did everything half as well became the valedictorian of the class. The board was happy because everybody was getting a broad-based education.

 What a broad-based education really means is that the student is prepared for life, without losing their areas of specialization or competence.

What Does it Mean to Be Educated

Educated Whom, then, do I call educated? 

First, those who manage well the circumstances which they encounter day by day; and those who can judge situations appropriately as they arise and rarely miss the suitable course of action.

 Next, those who are honorable in their dealings with all men, bearing easily what is unpleasant or offensive in others, and being as reasonable with their associates as is humanly possible. 

Furthermore, those who hold their pleasures always under control and are not unduly overcome by their misfortunes, bearing up under them bravely and in a manner worthy of our common nature. 

Most important of all, those who are not spoiled by their successes, who do not desert their true selves, but hold their ground steadfastly as wise and sober-minded men, rejoicing no more in the good things that have come to them through chance than in those which through their own nature and intelligence are theirs since birth.

 Those who have a character which is in accord, not with one of these things, but with all of them these are educated-- possessed of all the virtues.
 --Socrates (47~399 B.C.)
 In a nutshell, educated persons are those who can choose wisely and courageously under any circumstances. If they have the ability to choose between wisdom and foolishness, between good and bad, between virtuousness and vulgarities, regardless of the academic degrees they have, then they are educated. 
An expert is someone who knows all the answers if you ask the right questions. 

EDUCATION DOES NOT MEAN GOOD JUDGEMENT

There is a story about a man who sold hot dogs by the roadside. He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers . He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio. His eyes were weak, so he never watched television. But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hot dogs. His sales and profit went up. He ordered more meat and got himself a bigger and a better stove. As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from college, joined his father. Then something strange happened. The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?" The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The international situation is terrible. The domestic is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad time." The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, and listened to the radio, he ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly. So the next day, the father cut down his order for the meat and buns, took down the sign and was no longer enthusiastic. Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hot dog stand. And his sales started coming down rapidly. The father said to his son, "Son, you were right. We are in the middle of a recession. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."

 What is the moral of the story? 

1. Many times we confuse intelligence with good judgment. 

2. A person may have high intelligence but poor judgment.

 3. Choose your advisers carefully and use your judgment.

 4. A person can and will be successful with or without formal education if they have the 5 Cs: 

• character 
• commitment
•  conviction 
• courtesy 
• courage 

5. The tragedy is that there are many walking encyclopedias who are living failures. 

Intelligence is quickness to learn. Ability is the skill to apply what is learned. Competence is the ability and the desire to apply what is learned. Desire is the attitude that makes a skillful person competent. Many skillful people are incompetent. Ability without the right attitude is wasted. 

The first duty of a university is to teach wisdom, not trade; character, not technicalities.

--Winston Churchill 

Get into a Continuous Education Program

Step 4: Let's get some myths out of the way. It is a general belief that we get educated in schools and colleges. I run seminars in many different countries and ask my audiences all the time, "Do we really get educated in schools and colleges?" Generally, there is a consensus that some do but most don't. We receive a lot of information in schools and colleges. Don't get me wrong. We do need information to be educated. But we need to know the true meaning of education. Intellectual education influences the head and values based education influences the heart. In fact, education t at does not train the heart can be dangerous. If we want to h build character in our offices, homes and society, we must achieve a minimum level of moral and ethical literacy. Education that builds fundamental traits of character--such as honesty, compassion, courage, persistence and responsibility--is absolutely essential. 

We don't need more academic education; we need more values education. I would stress that a person who is morally educated will be a lot better equipped to move up in life or succeed than a morally bankrupt person with excellent academic qualifications.

 Character building and teaching values and ethics come in the formative years because a child is not born with this knowledge.

 Education Without Values 

True education is training of both the head and the heart. An uneducated thief may steal from the freight car but an educated one may steal the entire railroad.

Universities are turning out highly skilled barbarians because we don't provide a framework of values to young people, who more and more are searching for it.
 --Steven Muller, President, Johns Hopkins University 

We need to compete for knowledge and wisdom, not for grades. Knowledge is piling up facts, wisdom is simplifying it. One could have good grades and a degree without learning much. The most important thing one can learn is to "learn to learn." People confuse education with the ability to memorize facts. 
Education of the mind without morals creates a menace to society. 

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude

Step 3:

 Count your blessings, not your troubles. Take time to smell the roses. It is not uncommon to hear that someone, because of an accident or illness, became blind or paralyzed but won a million dollars in settlement. How many of us would like to trade places with that person? Not many. We are so focused on complaining about things we don't have that we lose sight of the things we have. There is a lot to be thankful for.

 When I say count your blessings, not your troubles, the message is not to become complacent. If complacence was the message you got, then I would be guilty of faulty communication and you of selective listening. 

To give you an example of selective listening, let me share with you a story I heard about a medical doctor who was invited as a guest speaker to address a group of alcoholics. He wanted to make a demonstration that would be powerful enough to make people realize that alcohol was injurious to their health. He had two containers, one with pure distilled water and one with pure alcohol. He put an earthworm into the distilled water and it swam beautifully and came up to the top. He put another earthworm into the alcohol and it disintegrated in front of everyone's eyes. He wanted to prove that this was what alcohol did to the insides of our body. He asked the group what the moral of the story was and one person from behind said, "If you drink alcohol you won't have worms in your stomach." Was that the message? Of course not. That was selective listening--we hear what we want to hear and not what is being said. 

Many of our blessings are hidden treasures-- count your blessings and not your troubles. 

Live in the Present

Life is not a dress rehearsal. I don't care what philosophy you believe in--we have got only one shot at this game called life. The stakes are too high. The stakes are the future generations. What time is it and where are we? The answer is now and we are here. Let's make the best of now and utilize the present to the fullest. The message is not that we don't need to plan for the future. The message is that we do need to plan for the future. If we utilize our present to its fullest, we are sowing the seeds for a better future automatically, aren't we?

 If you want to build a positive attitude, learn the phrase, "do it now" and stop the habit of procrastination. The saddest words in life are:

•  "It might have been." 
• "I should have." 
• "I could have." 
• "I wish I had." 
• "If only I had given a little extra." 

Never leave till tomorrow which you can do today. --Benjamin Franklin

 I am sure all winners wanted to be procrastinators but never got around to it.

 When people say, "I will do it one of these days," you can be sure it means none of these days. Some people keep waiting for all lights to turn green before they leave home. That will never happen and they fail even before they start. That is sad.

 Stop procrastinating: Isn't it time that we put off putting things off?