Smoking, Drugs and Alcohol

2. Smoking, Drugs and Alcohol 

One reason that I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

--Lady Astor 

Drinking makes a person lose his inhibitions and give exhibitions.

                    

 In our travels, we have noticed that in some countries drinking has become a national pastime. If you don't drink, they look at you as if there is something wrong. Their motto is: "It doesn't matter how bad your English is, as long as your Scotch is good." If a banker asked them what their liquid assets are, they would bring two bottles of Scotch.

 Drinking and smoking are glamorized today. It all starts with the first time. If you ask people why they consume alcohol or take drugs, they will give you a host of reasons, such as: to celebrate; to have fun; to forget problems; to relax; to experiment; to impress (it is cool to drink); to be fashionable; to mingle; for business purposes. 

People want to conform to peer pressure. I am amazed at the way peer pressure compels with phrases such as: "Aren't you my friend?"; "One for the road"; "One for my health."

The following poem from an unknown author explains the dilemma of a social drinker well 

I've drunk to your Health

 in taverns,

 I've drunk to your 

Health in my home,

 I've drunk to your

 Health so damn

 many times,

 That I've almost

 ruined my own!

 Drinking and driving cost lives. According to Jerry Johnson,* the American Hospital Association reports that half of all hospital admissions are alcohol-related and according to the National Safety Council's 1989 Accident Facts Edition, a person is injured in an alcohol-related crash every 60 seconds. 

Make a Habit of Doing It Now

Step 2: 

 We have all procrastinated at some time in our lives. I know I have, only to have regretted it later. Procrastination leads to a negative attitude. The habit of procrastination fatigues you more than the effort it takes to do it. A completed task is fulfilling and energizing; an incomplete task drains energy like a leak from a tank. If you want to build and maintain a positive attitude, get into the habit of living in the present and doing it now.

 He slept beneath the moon 

He basked beneath the sun 

He lived a life of going to do 

and died with nothing done. 

--James Albery

 When I Become a Big Boy

 This is like the little boy who says when I become a big boy, I will do this and this and I will be happy. And when he becomes a big boy he says, when I finish college and do this and this and I will be happy. And when he finishes college he says when I get my first job and do this and this I will be happy. And when he gets his first job he says when I get married and do this and this and then I will be happy. And when he gets married he says when the kids get out of school and I do this and this I will be I happy. And when the kids get out of school, he says when I retire and do this and this, I will be happy. And when he retires what does he see? He sees life has just gone by in front of his eyes.

  Some people practice procrastination by hiding behind high sounding words, saying "I'm analyzing" and six months later they are still analyzing. What they don't realize is that they

are suffering from a disease called, "Paralysis of Analysis" and they will never succeed. 
Then there is another breed of people who procrastinate by saying "I'm getting ready" and a month later they are still getting ready and six months later they are still getting ready. What they don't realize is they are suffering from a disease called "Excusitis." They keep making excuses. 

WINNERS LEAVE A LEGACY

Great people leave something behind. Winners recognize that no one can make it alone. Even though champions get the medals, they realize that there are many people behind their success, without whom it would not have been possible. Their teachers, parents, coaches, fans, and mentors. One can never fully repay those who have helped winners. The only way to show a little gratitude is by helping those who are following. The following poem says it all.

   THE BRIDGE BUILDER

 An old man, going a lone highway, 

Came, at the evening, cold and gray, 

To a chasm, vast, and deep, and wide,

 Through which was flowing a sullen tide. 

The old man crossed in the twilight dim;

 The sullen stream had no fears for him; 

But he turned, when safe on the other side, 

And built a bridge to span the tide. 

"Old man," said a fellow pilgrim, near,

 "You are wasting strength with building here; 

Your journey will end with the ending day; 

You never again must pass this way; 

You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide-

Why build you the bridge at the eventide?" 

The builder lifted his old gray head: 

"Good friend, in the path I have come," he said, 

"There followeth after me today 

A youth, whose feet must pass this way.

 This chasm, that has been naught to me, 

To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be. 

He, too, must cross in the twilight dim; Good friend, I am building the bridge for him. "

                             --Will Allen Dromgoole 

Socrates taught Plato; Plato taught Aristotle; Aristotle taught Alexander the Great. Knowledge, had it not been passed along, would have died. 

Our greatest responsibility is to pass on a legacy that the coming generations can be proud of. 

THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF TRAGEDIES IN LIFE

 1. Not Getting What We Want 
A CREED FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SUFFERED

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.

 I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey . . .


I asked for health, that I might do greater things.

 I was given infirmity, that I might do better things ... 


I asked for riches, that I might be happy.

 I was given poverty, that I might be wise ...


I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.

 I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God .. .


 I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.

 I was given life, that I might enjoy all things ... 


I got nothing I asked for--but everything I had hoped for. 


Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

 I, among all men, am most richly blessed!                          --Anonymous 

To Have a Friend, Be a Friend

. Step 25: 

 We keep looking for the right employer, the right employee, spouse, parent, child, and so on. We forget that we have to be the right person too. Experience has shown that there is no perfect person, no perfect job, no perfect spouse. When we look for perfection, we are disappointed because all we find is that we traded one set of problems for another set of problems. Having lived in the West for over 20 years, I have observed that with the high divorce rate the way it is, people find after they get married for the second time that their new spouse doesn't have the problems of the first one but has a totally new set of problems. Similarly, people change jobs or fire employees looking for the right one only to find that they traded one set of problems for another. Let's try and work around these challenges and make divorcing or firing the last rather than the first resort.

 Sacrifice

 Friendship takes sacrifice. Building friendships and relationships takes sacrifice, loyalty, and maturity. Sacrifice takes going out of one's way and never happens by the way. Selfishness destroys friendships. Casual acquaintances come easy but true friendships take time to build and effort to keep. Friendships are put to tests and when they endure, they grow stronger. We must learn to recognize counterfeit relationships. True friends do not want to see their friends hurt. True friendship gives more than it gets and stands by adversity.

 Fair-Weather Friend 

A fair-weather friend is like a banker who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back the minute it rains.

 Two men were traveling through the forest and came across a bear. One of them quickly climbed a tree but the other was unable to, so he lay on the ground and played dead. The bear sniffed around his ear and left. The fellow from the tree came down and asked him, "What did the bear tell you?" The man replied, "He said, don't trust a friend who deserts you in danger." The message is as clear as daylight.

 Mutual trust and confidence are the foundation stone of all friendship.

 People Make Friends for Different Motives

Friendships can be categorized as follows: 
1. Friendship of pleasure. You are a friend so long as the relationship is entertaining and fun, i.e., a fair weather friend.
 2. Friendship of convenience. This is where people make friendships to gain favors. These friendships last until the usefulness of the other person ends. These friendships are not permanent. 
3. True friendship. This is based on mutual respect and admiration. True friends are people who have the good of each other at heart and act accordingly. Good deeds come back to us in the form of good friends. There is lasting goodness on both sides. It is based on character and commitment.

 Prosperity brings friends, adversity reveals them. Fair weather friendship is described well by the following poem:

 Rejoice, and men will seek you; 

Grieve, and they turn and go; 

They want full measure of all your pleasure, 

But they do not need your woe.

 Be glad, and your friends are many;

 Be sad, and you lose them all 

There are none to decline your nectar Ed wine,

 But alone you must drink life's gall.

                                                                                  -- Ella Wheeler Wilcox 

People who are true friends in the real sense help one another, but these are not favors. They are acts incidental to friendship. And if they don't help they would be failing in their relationships. 

Relationships don't just happen, they take time to build. They are built on kindness, understanding, and self sacrifice, not on jealousy, selfishness, puffed up egos, and rude behavior.

 Relationships should never be taken for granted. Once relationships are established, they need to be nurtured constantly. Nobody is perfect. Expecting perfection is setting yourself up for disappointment. 

Friendly Cooperation

 It is difficult to achieve success without the friendly cooperation of others. A pleasing personality is flexible and adaptable while maintaining composure. Flexibility does not mean flimsy or helpless behavior. It means assessing and responding appropriately and in a timely manner to a given situation. Flexibility does not stretch to principles and values. 

Practice Honesty, Integrity, and Sincerity

Step 19:

 Sometimes the brightness of truth does not enlighten but blinds the evil.

 Honesty means to be genuine and real versus fake and fictitious. Be labeled or build a reputation of being trustworthy. If there is one thing that builds any kind of relationship at home, at work, or socially, it is integrity. Not keeping commitments amounts to dishonest behavior. Honesty inspires openness, reliability, and frankness. It shows respect for one's self and others. Honesty is in being, not in appearing to be. Lies may have speed but truth has endurance. Integrity is not found in company brochures or titles but in a person's character. Is it worth compromising one's integrity and taking shortcuts to win? A person may win a trophy but knowing the truth, can never be a happy person. More important than winning a trophy is being a good human being.

 A POUND OF BUTTER

•  There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, amour Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter?" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker." What is the moral of the story? We get back in life what we give to others.

 Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question: Am I giving fair value for the wages or money I hope to make?

Honesty and dishonesty become a habit. Some people practice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face. Others lie so much that they don't even know what the truth is anymore. But who are they deceiving? Themselves--- more than anyone else. Honesty can be put across gently. Some people take pride in being brutally honest. It seems they are getting a bigger kick out of the brutality than the honesty. Choice of words and tact are important.

 Truth May Not Always Be What You Want to Hear 

One can be truthful without being cruel but that may not always be the case. The most important responsibility of an honest friend is to be truthful. Some people, in order to avoid confronting painful truths, select friends who tell them what they want to hear. They kid themselves despite the fact that deep down they know they are not being truthful. Honest criticism can be painful. If you have many acquaintances and few friends, it is time to step back and explore the depth of your relationships. A lack of honesty is sometimes labeled as tact, public relations or politics. But is it really so? The problem with lying is that one has to remember one's lies.

 Honesty requires firmness and commitment. How many times have we all been guilty of:

•  little white lies?
•  flattery?
•  omitting facts or giving half-truths?
•  telling the greatest lies by remaining silent?

 Make yourself an honest man and then you may be sure there is one rascal less in the world. --Thomas Carlyle

 Credibility 

• We all know the story of the shepherd boy who cried wolf. The boy decided to have some fun at the expense of the villagers. He shouted, "Help, help, the wolf is here." The villagers heard him and came to his rescue. But when they got there, they saw no wolf and the boy laughed at them. They went away. The next day, the boy played the same trick and the same thing happened. Then one day, while the boy was taking care of his sheep he actually saw a wolf and shouted for help. The people in the village heard him but this time nobody came to his rescue. They thought it was another trick and didn't trust him anymore. He lost his sheep to the wolf. What is the moral of the story?

 The moral of the story is

•  When people tell lies, they lose credibility.
•  Once they have lost credibility, even when they tell the truth, no one believes them.

The Quality of a Good Character is Honesty

 Truth can be misrepresented in two ways: 

1. Incomplete facts or information

 2. Exaggeration

 BEWARE OF HALF-TRUTHS OR MISREPRESENTATION OF TRUTHS

•  There was a sailor who worked on the same boat for three years. One night he got drunk. This was the first time it ever happened. The captain recorded it in the log, "The sailor was drunk tonight." The sailor read it, and he knew this comment would affect his career, so he went to the captain, apologized and asked the captain to add that it only happened once in three years which was the complete truth. The captain refused and said, "What I have written in the log is the truth." The next day it was the sailor's turn to fill in the log. He wrote, "The captain was sober tonight." The captain read the comment and asked the sailor to change or add to it explaining the complete truth because this implied that the captain was drunk every other night. The sailor told the captain that what he had written in the log was the truth. Both statements were true but they conveyed misleading messages;

 Exaggeration

 Exaggeration does two things:

 1. It weakens a person's case and makes him lose credibility.

 2. It is like an addiction. It becomes a habit. Some people can't tell the truth without exaggerating.

 Be Sincere

 Sincerity is a matter of intent and hard to prove. We can achieve our goals by having a sincere desire to help others.

 Stay Away from Pretense

 Asking a friend in trouble, "Is there anything I can do for you," is really annoying. It is more of an eyewash and pretense. If you really want to help, think of something appropriate to be done and then do it. Many people put on the cloak of sincerity more out of selfishness than substance, hoping that some day they could claim the right to receive help. Stay away from meaningless and phony pleasantries. Caution--Sincerity is no measure of good judgment. Someone could be sincere, yet wrong.

 ACTIONS; SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

 WHICH LOVED BEST?

 "I love you, Mother," said little John;

 Then, forgetting his work, his cap went on,

 And he was off to the garden swing,

 And left her the water and wood to bring.

 "I love you, Mother," said rosy Nell-

"I love you better than tongue can tell";

 Then she teased and pouted full half the day, 

Till her mother rejoiced when she went to play.

 "I love you, Mother," said little Fan;

 "Today I'll help you all I can;

 How glad I am that school doesn't keep!"

 So she rocked the babe till it fell asleep.

 Then, stepping softly, she fetched the broom, 

And swept the floor and tidied the room;

 Busy and happy all day was she,

 Helpful and happy as child could be.

 "I love you, Mother," again they said,

 Three little children going to bed;

How do you think that mother guessed 

Which of them really loved her best?

                                                              --Joy Allison*

 Maintain Integrity 

Ancient wisdom says, "Anything that is bought or sold has no value unless it contains the secret, priceless ingredient-that, what cannot be traded." What is it? The secret, priceless ingredient of every product is the credibility, the honor and integrity of the one who makes it. It is not so secret but it is priceless.

 Here is Another Side to Integrity--Questionable 

Three executives were fighting over who would pay the bill for lunch. One said, "I will pay, I can get a tax deduction." The other said, "Let me have it, I will get reimbursement from my company." The third said, "Let me pay, because I am filing for bankruptcy next week." 

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

Step 10: 

The psychologist William James said, "One of the deepest desires of human beings is the desire to be appreciated. The feeling of being unwanted is hurtful."

 Expensive jewels are not real gifts; they are apologies for shortcomings. Many times we buy gifts for people to compensate for not spending enough time with them. Real gifts are when you give a part of yourself. Sincere appreciation is one of the greatest gifts one can give to another person. It makes a person feel important. The desire to feel important is one of the greatest cravings in most human beings. It can be a great motivator.

 The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of being unwanted. --Mother Teresa

 Appreciation, in order to be effective, must meet certain criteria: 

1. It must be specific. If I tell someone that he did a good job, and walk away, what will go through his mind? He will think, "What did I do good.?" He will be confused. But when I say, "The way you handled that difficult customer was great," then he knows what he is being appreciated for.

 2. It must be immediate. The effectiveness is diluted if we show our appreciation for someone six months after he has done something commendable.

 3. It must be sincere. It must come from the heart. You must mean every word. 

 4. Don't qualify praise with a but. By using the but as a connector, we erase the appreciation. Use "and," "in addition to that" or some other appropriate connector. Say something like "I appreciate your effort and would you please ..." rather than "I appreciate your effort but ..." 

5. After giving appreciation, it is not important to wait for a receipt or acknowledgement. Some people are looking for a compliment in return. That is not the purpose of appreciation. 

If you are receiving appreciation, accept it graciously with a "thank-you."

 It is easier to deal with honest rejection than insincere appreciation. At least the person knows where he stands.

What is the difference between appreciation and flattery? The difference is sincerity. One comes from the heart, the other from the mouth. One has an ulterior motive and the other is sincere. Some people find it easier to flatter than to give sincere praise. Don't flatter or get taken in by flatterers.

It's an old maxim in the schools

 that flattery's the food of fools

 Yet now and then you men of wit

 will condescend to take a bit. --Jonathan Swift

Insincere appreciation is like a mirage in the desert. The closer you get, the more disappointed you become because it is nothing more than an illusion. People put up a front of sincerity as a cover up. 

Smile and Be Kind

Step 6:

                        SMILE* 

A smile costs nothing, but it creates much. It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those who give it.

 It happens in a flash, and the memory of it may last forever. 

None are so rich that they can get along without it, and none so poor that they cannot be richer for its benefits.

 It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in a business, and is the countersign of friends. 

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature's best antidote for trouble.

 Yet it cannot be begged, bought, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is worth nothing to anyone until it is given away.

In the course of the day, some of your acquaintances may be too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours. Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none Ieft to give. 

Cheerfulness flows from goodness. A smile can be fake or genuine. The key is to have a genuine one. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. It is easier to smile than frown. It improves face value. A simile is contagious and is an inexpensive way to improve looks. A smiling face is always welcome. Who likes to be around a grouch? No one, except maybe a bigger grouch. A warm sincere smile shows through just like an insincere one. 

       
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* from The Best of . . . Bits & Pieces, Economics Press, Fairfield, NJ, 1994, p.l70.

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

 If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
 If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
 If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
 If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
 If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
 If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
 If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
 If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
 If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
 If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. 
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
 he learns to find love in the world. 

Upbringing

"Fellow citizens, why do you turn and scrap every stone to gather wealth and to take so little care of your children to whom one day, you must relinquish it all?"-Socrates

 In order for our children to turn out well, we need to spend twice the time and half the money. It is less painful to learn in youth than be ignorant as an adult. Parents with high self-esteem breed confidence and high self-esteem in their children by giving them positive concepts, beliefs, and values. The reverse is also true.

 It is a great heritage to have honest parents. Parents who participate in crooked business deals unfortunately set bad examples for their future generations.

 A strong role model or mentor could be a parent, relative or teacher who is held in high regard. During their formative years, children look up to adults in positions of influence. Even as adults, we look to our supervisors and managers as role models. 

LITTLE EYES UPON YOU** 

There are little eyes upon you and they're watching night and day. There are little ears that quickly take in every word you say. There are little hands all eager to do anything you do; And a little boy who's dreaming of the day he'll be like you. You're the little fellow's idol, you're the wisest of the wise. In his little mind about you no suspicions ever rise. He believes in you devoutly, holds all that you say and do; He will say and do, in your way, when he's grown up like you. There's a wide-eyed little fellow who believes you're always right; And his eyes are always opened, and he watches day and night. You are setting an example every day in all you do, For the little boy who's waiting to grow up to be like you. 

18th Reasons For Failure Why We Don't Achieve Excellence

Fatalistic Attitude 

A fatalistic attitude prevents people from accepting responsibility for their position in life. They attribute success and failure to luck. They resign themselves to their fate. They believe and accept the predestined future written in their horoscope or stars, that regardless of their effort whatever has to happen will happen. Hence they never put in any effort and complacency becomes a way of life. They wait for things to happen rather than make them happen. Success is a matter of luck, ask any failure.

 Weak-minded people fall easy prey to fortune-tellers, horoscopes and self-proclaimed God's men who are sometimes conmen. They become superstitious and ritualistic. Shallow people believe in luck. People with strength and determination believe in cause and effect. (Some people consider a rabbit's foot lucky; but it wasn't lucky for the rabbit, was it?)

 Some People Think They are Just Unlucky This breeds a fatalistic attitude. People who get involved halfheartedly say things like:

•  "I will give it a try";
•  "I will see if it works";
•  "I will give it a shot";
•  "I have nothing to lose";
•  "I haven't put much into it anyway."

 These people guarantee failure because they get into a project with no dedication or determination. They lack courage, commitment and confidence. They are starting with complacence and call themselves unlucky.

 Effort Does it

•  A man bought a racehorse and put him in a barn with a big sign, "The fastest horse in the world." The owner didn't exercise the horse nor train it to keep it in good shape. He entered the horse in a race and it came last. The owner quickly changed the sign to "The fastest world for the horse." By inaction or not doing what should be done, people fail and they blame luck.

 Life without vision, courage and depth is simply a blind experience. Small, lazy, and weak minds always take the easiest way, the path of least resistance. Athletes train 15 years for 15 seconds of performance. Ask them if they got lucky. Ask an athlete how he feels after a good workout. He will tell you that he feels spent. If he doesn't feel that way, it means he hasn't worked out to his maximum ability.

 Losers think life is unfair. They think only of their bad breaks. They don't consider that the person who is prepared and playing well still got the same bad breaks but overcame them. That is the difference. The winner's threshold for tolerating pain becomes higher because in the end he is not training so much for the game but for his character.

 LUCK FAVORS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES

•  A flood was threatening a small town and everyone was leaving for safety except one man who said, "God will save me. I have faith." As the water level rose a jeep came to rescue him, the man refused, saying "God will save me. I have faith." As the water level rose further, he went up to the second story, and a boat came to help him. Again he refused to go, Belying, "God will save me. I have faith." The water kept rising and the man climbed on to the roof. A helicopter came to rescue him, but he said, "God will save me. I have faith." Well, finally he drowned. When he reached his Maker he angrily questioned, "I had complete faith in you. Why did you ignore my prayers and let me drown?" The Lord replied, "Who do you think sent you the jeep, the boat, and the helicopter?" 

The only way to overcome the fatalistic attitude is to accept responsibility and believe in the law of cause and effect rather than luck. It takes action, preparation and planning rather than waiting, wondering or wishing, to accomplish anything in life.

 Luck Shines on the Deserving

 Alexander Graham Bell was desperately trying to invent a hearing aid for his partially deaf wife. He failed at inventing a hearing aid but in the process discovered the principles of the telephone. You wouldn't call someone like that lucky, would you?

Good luck is when opportunity meets preparation. Without effort and preparation, lucky coincidences don't happen.

 LUCK

 He worked by day

 And toiled by night.

 He gave up play 

And some delight.

 Dry books he read,

 New things to learn. 

And forged ahead, 

Success to earn. 

He plodded on with

 Faith and pluck;

 And when he won,

 Men called it luck. --Anonymous