COMMITMENT

 An integral part of a good value system is commitment. When our value system is clear it becomes a lot easier to make decisions and commitments. 

Example: You can't make a commitment to your country by selling secrets to the enemy. You can't keep a friend by revealing to others what he told you in confidence. You can't keep a commitment to a job by trying to do as little as possible.

 Unkept commitments result in dishonest behavior. I wonder how any relationship, regardless of whether personal or professional, would work if people said something to the effect.

• I will try but I can't commit.
•  I will do it but don't count on me. 
• I will be there if I can, but don't get your hopes up.
•  I will be there, so long as you do well. 
• I will be there so long as you are in good health.
•  I will stick with you till I find something better.

 If the following relationships cannot count and depend on one another, I wonder how anything would ever work in this world.

•  Parent / child 
• Student / teacher
•  Employer / employee 
• Husband / wife 
• Customer / salesman 
• Friend / friend

 The uncertainty could lead to insanity. Our strongest relationships are tied together with the invisible something called commitment. Today, breaking a promise is considered no big deal. All relationships go sour without commitment. Lack of commitment would destabilize relationships and lead to insecurity. No one would know where they stand with each other.

 Commitment implies:

 1. Dependability             2. Reliability                3. Predictability 

 4. Consistency                5. Caring                     6. Empathy 

 7. A sense of duty           8. Sincerity                  9. Character 

 10. Integrity                      11. Loyalty 

If one of these ingredients is missing, commitment loses strength.

 When a person makes a commitment to someone, he is really saying, "You can count on me no matter what," and "I will be there when you need me."

 Unconditional commitment says, "My behavior is predictable in an unpredictable future." What makes the future unpredictable?

•  Changes in your life and circumstances.
•  Changes in my life and circumstances. 
• Changes in the external conditions.

Regardless of the uncertainty, commitment says "You can count on me." A person who makes a commitment is willing to give up a lot. For what? The answer is pretty clear. The rewards can be priceless. 

Commitment says:

•  I am willing to sacrifice because I care.
•  I am a person of integrity and you can trust me.
•  I will not let you down.
•  Despite pain, I will still be there.
•  I will not let you down in good times or in bad times.

 Commitment is not like a legal contract which is enforceable. Its foundation is not a signed piece of paper but character, integrity, and empathy.

 Commitment does not mean sticking to something when a person has no choice. It means sticking in spite of choices. Without the above ingredients, no one would make a serious long-lasting commitment to others.

 What makes a commitment worth keeping? It brings:

• Predictability. 
• Security. 
• Personal growth. 
• Strong relationships between individuals and community.
•  Lasting personal and professional relationships.

 Even gangsters and crooks are looking for committed supporters. Commitment creates a patch of green in a vast jungle; we call this security in an insecure world. Keeping commitments is worth the effort. Commitment means surrendering our personal wants for another person's needs. Remember and keep in mind, needs are stronger than wants. Commitments act as a glue which bonds relationships. Commitment implies sacrificing fun and willingness to accept sorrow.

 For example, 

1. Commitment to friendship implies maintaining confidentiality.

 2. Commitment to customer implies giving good service.

 3. Commitment to marriage implies fidelity.

 4. Commitment to decency implies staying away from vulgarity. 

5. Commitment to patriotism implies sacrifice.

6. Commitment to job implies integrity.

7. Commitment to community implies responsibility. 

Commitment is a sign of maturity. Commitment means not quitting at the first option or sign of problems. Individuals with strong commitments build strong communities. 

Relationships are based on commitment, not just on closeness and intimacy. A person can be intimate and close and yet not be committed. With changing values, it is even considered good to have uncommitted relationships.

 Many people are not willing to make commitments because they feel they are not ready for it. However, in the meantime, for years they keep sharing and using anything and everything of one another. Their pretext is, "We are still checking out each other before we commit." What are they checking out that they haven't already checked out in a few days or a few months or a few years? 

In my opinion they are selfish parasites who are trying to get as much as possible while the going is good. They are only takers who are a liability to society.

 Many people confuse commitment with confinement. Relationships don't last because of passion and love but because of commitment and empathy. A commitment implies putting the other person's needs ahead of one's own. Sometimes good people with the best intentions are faced with conflicting commitments.

 For instance, 

1. A policeman is committed to caring for his wife who is on her death bed. But all of a sudden he gets an emergency call to handle a situation, at the other end of town where ten lives are at stake. What does he do? 

2. A surgeon is looking forward to his daughter's graduation. He is committed to this once-in-a-lifetime event. With all guests at the function, 20 minutes before the ceremony,he gets an emergency call to operate on an accident victim to save his life. What choice does he have?  Choosing one does not mean lack of commitment to the other. The process of making a choice between the two commitments would involve priority, responsibility and duty. Not keeping one over the other would not make the person feel guilty.

 Probably what the surgeon feels like doing is attending his daughter's graduation. It doesn't matter what he feels like. Commitment involves the 11 elements we talked about before, whether we feel like it or not. Keeping commitment shows strength of character. It takes subordinating our desires to the other person's needs but not his whims and fancies.

 Needs are essential, whereas desires are infinite. And in case of conflict of needs, one has to prioritize responsibilities and duties. In a relationship such as a marriage, two people are committed to each other. Supposing one develops cancer a year after? Should one feel cheated? Deprived? Resentful? Blame the other person for ruining his / her life? That is not commitment. That is just selfishness. 

 The most painful part of commitment is accepting a breach when it happens. The commitment goes on if the breach results from an error of omission. However, it needs evaluation if it is a result of commission. Breach of omission can be handled with compassion and forgiveness.  Whereas the breach of commission says, "You cheat me once, shame on you. You cheat me twice, shame on me." Either way, for one's own self-interest the answer is forgiveness. As they say, "The wounds get healed but the scars remain." Commitments can rarely be kept without forgiveness. For example, a child may betray his parents' trust by lying or cheating. People avoid making commitments because many times they are living for today.