What
is the difference between being touchy and being sensitive? Touchiness is the
cactus approach; you touch me and I will hurt you. Being sensitive is the
positive approach, the caring approach. Many times the two are used
interchangeably. People say be careful when talking to so and so, he or she is
very sensitive. What they are really saying is that the person is touchy, so be
careful.
- They have negative expectations of themselves and others and are seldom disappointed.
- They lack confidence.
2. Bragging about themselves is also a sign of lack
of confidence.
3. Submissive or timid behavior. These are people who constantly
apologize for their existence. They are always putting themselves down,which
is different from being humble. Humility comes from confidence whereas putting
yourself down comes from lack of it. A person who lacks confidence cannot be an
effective leader. Others sense this lack of confidence, which results in a lack
of respect.
4. Lack of assertiveness. People with low self esteem are not
willing to stand up for their belief. On the other hand, being unduly
aggressive is also a sign of poor self-esteem. Being aggressive in situations
that require compassion does not amount to assertiveness.
5. A lack of
confidence results in conformist behavior. If everybody is doing it, then so
should I. Every day we see people giving in to peer pressure, knowing full well
what they are doing could be detrimental yet they do it to be accepted. People
with low selfesteem go along to get along. They are looking for outside
validation because they lack confidence in themselves.
6. Keeping up with the
Joneses--pretense When people try to keep up with the Joneses, they spend money
they haven't earned, they buy things they don't need, and they try to impress
people they don't like.
7. Nonconformist or attention-seeking behavior. In
order to gain attention, people with poor self esteem might do senseless things
just to stand out and be noticed. They get a kick and a sense of importance
from perversion. Some people choose to do wrong and be wrong just to be
different and gain attention. Examples are people who brag excessively, the
classroom clown, etc.
- They are indecisive and do not accept responsibility. Lack of courage and fear of criticism lead to indecisive behavior.
- They rebel against authority. I make a distinction between rebelling out of the courage of one's convictions and rebelling because of poor self esteem. All the great world leaders, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln, were rebels. They rebel against authority out of the courage of their convictions; a person with low self-esteem rebels against authority just because it is authority, even when the authority is right.
- They are anti-social and may be withdrawn.
- They lack a sense of direction and have an "I don't care" attitude which is reflected in their behavior.
- They have a hard time giving or receiving compliments. In giving, they feel they might be misconstrued and in receiving they feel they are undeserving. Feeling unworthy is not humility.
- Too much emphasis on material things People with poor self-esteem judge a person's worth by his possessions, not by who he is. They constantly look at what kind of car you are driving, what kind of home you live in, what kind of clothes and jewelry you wear. They forget that people make things, and not vice versa. People with poor self esteem place more emphasis on net worth than self worth. Their lives revolve around ads and fads. Designer labels are their status symbols. Take away their things and they will die of shame. They get into a rat race. "The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat."*
- Lack of pride in themselves--they are shabbily dressed and uncouth.
- They are takers, not givers.
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