Don't Criticize and Complain

Step 5:

 When I talk of criticism I refer to negative criticism. Why should we not criticize? When a person is criticized, he becomes defensive. Does that mean we should never criticize, or can we give positive criticism? A critic is like a back-seat driver who drives the driver mad.

 Positive Criticism

What is constructive criticism? Criticize with a spirit of helpfulness rather than as a putdown. Offer solutions in your criticism. Criticize the behavior, not the person, because when we criticize the person, we hurt their self esteem. The right to criticize comes with the desire to help. As long as the act of criticizing does not give pleasure to the giver, it is okay. When giving criticism becomes a pleasure, it is time to stop.

 Some suggestions for giving criticism that motivates others:

•  Be a coach--criticize with a helpful attitude. A coach criticizes to help improve performance of the athlete.
•  Understanding and concern will act as a motivator. The attitude should be corrective rather than punitive.
•  Be specific, rather than saying things like "you always" or "you never." Vague criticism causes resentment.
•  Get your facts right. Don't jump to conclusions. We all have the right to our opinions but we don't have the right to incorrect facts. Don't rush to criticize. 
• Maintain your cool but be firm. 
• Criticize to persuade, not intimidate.
•  If criticism is given appropriately, it will reduce the need for repetition. 
• Criticize in private not in public. Why? Because it maintains goodwill whereas public criticism can be humiliating.
•  Give the other person an opportunity to explain his side. 
• Show them how they would benefit from correcting their mistake. 
• Criticize the performance, not the performer. Don't express personal resentment.
•  Simply point out the loss arising from the action and the adverse consequences of not correcting it.
•  Ask for suggestions for improvement.
• Question the action, not the intent. If intent is in question, then it is better to terminate the relationship.
•  Keep criticism in perspective. Don't overdo it. Criticism is like giving medication. The medication should be the right mixture with a perfect dosage. Too much will have adverse effects and too little Willie ineffective. Similarly, criticism should be kept in perspective. Given in a positive way in the right dosage, it can work wonders.
•  If people who are being criticized accept their mistake and come up with positive suggestions, congratulate them. 
• Close on a positive note with appreciation.                                                                             

Receiving Criticism

There may be times when we are criticized, justly or unjustly. The greatest people in the world have been criticized. Justified criticism can be very helpful and should be taken positively as feedback. Unjustified criticism really is a compliment in disguise. Average people hate winners. When people are not successful, critics have nothing to talk about. The only way you will never be criticized is if you do nothing, say nothing or have nothing. You will end up being a big nothing. 

Unjust criticism comes from two sources:

 1. Ignorance. When criticism comes out of ignorance, it can easily be eliminated or corrected by bringing awareness.

 2. Jealousy. When criticism comes out of jealousy, take it as a compliment in disguise. You are being unjustly criticized because the other person wants to be where you are. The tree that bears the most fruits also gets the most stones.

 An inability to accept constructive criticism is a sign poor self-esteem. Suggestions for accepting criticism: 

• Take it in the right spirit. Accept it graciously rather than grudgingly.
•  Learn from it. Accept it with an open mind, evaluate it and if it makes sense, implement it. 
• Be thankful to the person who gives constructive criticism because he means well and has helped you.
•  A person with high self-esteem accepts positive criticism and becomes better, not bitter. 

The problem with most people is they would rather be praised and lose than be criticized and win.

Complaints

Some people are chronic complainers. If it is hot, it is too hot. If it is cold, it is too cold. Every day is a bad day. They complain even if everything goes right. Why is it not a good idea to complain? Because 50% of the people don't care if you have got a problem and the other 50% are happy that you have got a problem. What is the point of complaining? Nothing comes out of it. It becomes a personality trait. Does that mean we should never complain or invite complaints? Not at all. Just like criticism, if it is done in a positive way, complaints can be very useful. A constructive complaint: 

(a) shows that the complainer cares.

 (b) gives the receiver of complaints a second chance to correct himself.