To Have a Friend, Be a Friend

. Step 25: 

 We keep looking for the right employer, the right employee, spouse, parent, child, and so on. We forget that we have to be the right person too. Experience has shown that there is no perfect person, no perfect job, no perfect spouse. When we look for perfection, we are disappointed because all we find is that we traded one set of problems for another set of problems. Having lived in the West for over 20 years, I have observed that with the high divorce rate the way it is, people find after they get married for the second time that their new spouse doesn't have the problems of the first one but has a totally new set of problems. Similarly, people change jobs or fire employees looking for the right one only to find that they traded one set of problems for another. Let's try and work around these challenges and make divorcing or firing the last rather than the first resort.

 Sacrifice

 Friendship takes sacrifice. Building friendships and relationships takes sacrifice, loyalty, and maturity. Sacrifice takes going out of one's way and never happens by the way. Selfishness destroys friendships. Casual acquaintances come easy but true friendships take time to build and effort to keep. Friendships are put to tests and when they endure, they grow stronger. We must learn to recognize counterfeit relationships. True friends do not want to see their friends hurt. True friendship gives more than it gets and stands by adversity.

 Fair-Weather Friend 

A fair-weather friend is like a banker who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back the minute it rains.

 Two men were traveling through the forest and came across a bear. One of them quickly climbed a tree but the other was unable to, so he lay on the ground and played dead. The bear sniffed around his ear and left. The fellow from the tree came down and asked him, "What did the bear tell you?" The man replied, "He said, don't trust a friend who deserts you in danger." The message is as clear as daylight.

 Mutual trust and confidence are the foundation stone of all friendship.

 People Make Friends for Different Motives

Friendships can be categorized as follows: 
1. Friendship of pleasure. You are a friend so long as the relationship is entertaining and fun, i.e., a fair weather friend.
 2. Friendship of convenience. This is where people make friendships to gain favors. These friendships last until the usefulness of the other person ends. These friendships are not permanent. 
3. True friendship. This is based on mutual respect and admiration. True friends are people who have the good of each other at heart and act accordingly. Good deeds come back to us in the form of good friends. There is lasting goodness on both sides. It is based on character and commitment.

 Prosperity brings friends, adversity reveals them. Fair weather friendship is described well by the following poem:

 Rejoice, and men will seek you; 

Grieve, and they turn and go; 

They want full measure of all your pleasure, 

But they do not need your woe.

 Be glad, and your friends are many;

 Be sad, and you lose them all 

There are none to decline your nectar Ed wine,

 But alone you must drink life's gall.

                                                                                  -- Ella Wheeler Wilcox 

People who are true friends in the real sense help one another, but these are not favors. They are acts incidental to friendship. And if they don't help they would be failing in their relationships. 

Relationships don't just happen, they take time to build. They are built on kindness, understanding, and self sacrifice, not on jealousy, selfishness, puffed up egos, and rude behavior.

 Relationships should never be taken for granted. Once relationships are established, they need to be nurtured constantly. Nobody is perfect. Expecting perfection is setting yourself up for disappointment. 

Friendly Cooperation

 It is difficult to achieve success without the friendly cooperation of others. A pleasing personality is flexible and adaptable while maintaining composure. Flexibility does not mean flimsy or helpless behavior. It means assessing and responding appropriately and in a timely manner to a given situation. Flexibility does not stretch to principles and values.