WHAT IS OUR GREATEST COMMITMENT?

 What if we made a commitment that is wrong or unethical inadvertently which totally goes against our values and conscience? That is the time to reevaluate whether or not to go forward. 

COMMITMENT TO VALUES

 Loyalties cannot be bought, they are earned. And to whom do we owe loyalties? Is it individuals or organizations? The answer is none of them. We owe loyalties to values. Where the value system is conflicting, people cannot live in the same home, they cannot work in the same organization. When a person makes a commitment of loyalty to either an individual or an organization, what is he really saying? He is saying, "I stand by you because I believe in what you believe in." 

What if the person I am committed to, be it a leader, spouse, employer, employee becomes a spy for an enemy country? Do I continue my support because I committed earlier? Absolutely not. I am not committed to support unethical and illegal behavior.

 Unkept commitments lead to:

•  Broken homes 
• Abandoned children 
• Poor relationships
•  High stress levels
• Guilt 
• Unfulfilled life 
• Loss of business
•  Isolation 
• Depression

Make a commitment and stay committed! 

COMMITMENT

 An integral part of a good value system is commitment. When our value system is clear it becomes a lot easier to make decisions and commitments. 

Example: You can't make a commitment to your country by selling secrets to the enemy. You can't keep a friend by revealing to others what he told you in confidence. You can't keep a commitment to a job by trying to do as little as possible.

 Unkept commitments result in dishonest behavior. I wonder how any relationship, regardless of whether personal or professional, would work if people said something to the effect.

• I will try but I can't commit.
•  I will do it but don't count on me. 
• I will be there if I can, but don't get your hopes up.
•  I will be there, so long as you do well. 
• I will be there so long as you are in good health.
•  I will stick with you till I find something better.

 If the following relationships cannot count and depend on one another, I wonder how anything would ever work in this world.

•  Parent / child 
• Student / teacher
•  Employer / employee 
• Husband / wife 
• Customer / salesman 
• Friend / friend

 The uncertainty could lead to insanity. Our strongest relationships are tied together with the invisible something called commitment. Today, breaking a promise is considered no big deal. All relationships go sour without commitment. Lack of commitment would destabilize relationships and lead to insecurity. No one would know where they stand with each other.

 Commitment implies:

 1. Dependability             2. Reliability                3. Predictability 

 4. Consistency                5. Caring                     6. Empathy 

 7. A sense of duty           8. Sincerity                  9. Character 

 10. Integrity                      11. Loyalty 

If one of these ingredients is missing, commitment loses strength.

 When a person makes a commitment to someone, he is really saying, "You can count on me no matter what," and "I will be there when you need me."

 Unconditional commitment says, "My behavior is predictable in an unpredictable future." What makes the future unpredictable?

•  Changes in your life and circumstances.
•  Changes in my life and circumstances. 
• Changes in the external conditions.

Regardless of the uncertainty, commitment says "You can count on me." A person who makes a commitment is willing to give up a lot. For what? The answer is pretty clear. The rewards can be priceless. 

Commitment says:

•  I am willing to sacrifice because I care.
•  I am a person of integrity and you can trust me.
•  I will not let you down.
•  Despite pain, I will still be there.
•  I will not let you down in good times or in bad times.

 Commitment is not like a legal contract which is enforceable. Its foundation is not a signed piece of paper but character, integrity, and empathy.

 Commitment does not mean sticking to something when a person has no choice. It means sticking in spite of choices. Without the above ingredients, no one would make a serious long-lasting commitment to others.

 What makes a commitment worth keeping? It brings:

• Predictability. 
• Security. 
• Personal growth. 
• Strong relationships between individuals and community.
•  Lasting personal and professional relationships.

 Even gangsters and crooks are looking for committed supporters. Commitment creates a patch of green in a vast jungle; we call this security in an insecure world. Keeping commitments is worth the effort. Commitment means surrendering our personal wants for another person's needs. Remember and keep in mind, needs are stronger than wants. Commitments act as a glue which bonds relationships. Commitment implies sacrificing fun and willingness to accept sorrow.

 For example, 

1. Commitment to friendship implies maintaining confidentiality.

 2. Commitment to customer implies giving good service.

 3. Commitment to marriage implies fidelity.

 4. Commitment to decency implies staying away from vulgarity. 

5. Commitment to patriotism implies sacrifice.

6. Commitment to job implies integrity.

7. Commitment to community implies responsibility. 

Commitment is a sign of maturity. Commitment means not quitting at the first option or sign of problems. Individuals with strong commitments build strong communities. 

Relationships are based on commitment, not just on closeness and intimacy. A person can be intimate and close and yet not be committed. With changing values, it is even considered good to have uncommitted relationships.

 Many people are not willing to make commitments because they feel they are not ready for it. However, in the meantime, for years they keep sharing and using anything and everything of one another. Their pretext is, "We are still checking out each other before we commit." What are they checking out that they haven't already checked out in a few days or a few months or a few years? 

In my opinion they are selfish parasites who are trying to get as much as possible while the going is good. They are only takers who are a liability to society.

 Many people confuse commitment with confinement. Relationships don't last because of passion and love but because of commitment and empathy. A commitment implies putting the other person's needs ahead of one's own. Sometimes good people with the best intentions are faced with conflicting commitments.

 For instance, 

1. A policeman is committed to caring for his wife who is on her death bed. But all of a sudden he gets an emergency call to handle a situation, at the other end of town where ten lives are at stake. What does he do? 

2. A surgeon is looking forward to his daughter's graduation. He is committed to this once-in-a-lifetime event. With all guests at the function, 20 minutes before the ceremony,he gets an emergency call to operate on an accident victim to save his life. What choice does he have?  Choosing one does not mean lack of commitment to the other. The process of making a choice between the two commitments would involve priority, responsibility and duty. Not keeping one over the other would not make the person feel guilty.

 Probably what the surgeon feels like doing is attending his daughter's graduation. It doesn't matter what he feels like. Commitment involves the 11 elements we talked about before, whether we feel like it or not. Keeping commitment shows strength of character. It takes subordinating our desires to the other person's needs but not his whims and fancies.

 Needs are essential, whereas desires are infinite. And in case of conflict of needs, one has to prioritize responsibilities and duties. In a relationship such as a marriage, two people are committed to each other. Supposing one develops cancer a year after? Should one feel cheated? Deprived? Resentful? Blame the other person for ruining his / her life? That is not commitment. That is just selfishness. 

 The most painful part of commitment is accepting a breach when it happens. The commitment goes on if the breach results from an error of omission. However, it needs evaluation if it is a result of commission. Breach of omission can be handled with compassion and forgiveness.  Whereas the breach of commission says, "You cheat me once, shame on you. You cheat me twice, shame on me." Either way, for one's own self-interest the answer is forgiveness. As they say, "The wounds get healed but the scars remain." Commitments can rarely be kept without forgiveness. For example, a child may betray his parents' trust by lying or cheating. People avoid making commitments because many times they are living for today. 

IS YOUR LIFE WORTH SAVING?

• A boy was drowning in a river and he shouted for help. A man passing by jumped in the river and saved the boy's life. As the man was leaving the boy said, Thank-you.'' The man asked, "For what?" The boy replied, "For saving my life." The man looked into the boy's eyes and said, "Son, make sure when you grow up that your life was worth saving."

 It is time to think. This is a wake-up call. 
Success without fulfillment is meaningless. Unless there is a sense of meaning and purpose, life is empty and unhappy regardless of how much prestige, money or degrees a person has.
 Success begins with developing your personal success philosophy, about your health, money, family, society and values. Without a clearly defined purpose and a philosophy to guide you, life is guided by fantasies. If people have not defined a philosophy of success, they have actually defined a philosophy of failure by default. Sometimes we overlook the things that ought not to be overlooked and don't overlook the things that ought to be overlooked. 

IT IS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE

•  There was a man taking a morning walk at or the beach. He saw that along with the morning tide came hundreds of starfish and when the tide receded, they were left behind and with the morning sun rays, they would die. The tide was fresh and the starfish were alive. The man took a few steps, picked one and threw it into the water. He did that repeatedly. Right behind him there was another person who couldn't understand what this man was doing. He caught up with him and asked, "What are you doing? There are hundreds of starfish. How many can you help? What difference does it make?" This man did not reply, took two more steps, picked up another one, threw it into the water, and said, "It makes a difference to this one."

 What difference are we making? Big or small, it does not matter. If everyone made a small difference, we'd end up with a big difference, wouldn't we? 

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED?

•  About a hundred years ago, a man looked at the morning newspaper and to his surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The news papers had reported the death of the wrong person by mistake. His first response was shock. Am I here or there? When he regained his composure, his second thought was to find out what people had said about him. The obituary read, "Dynamite King Dies." And also "He was the merchant of death." This man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words "merchant of death," he asked himself a question, "Is this how I am going to be remembered?" He got in touch with his feelings and decided that this was not the way he wanted to be remembered. From that day on, he started working toward peace. His name was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great Nobel Prize.

 Just as Alfred Nobel got in touch with his feelings and redefined his values, we should step back and do the same. 
What is your legacy? How would you like to be remembered? Will you be spoken well of? Will you be remembered with love and respect? Will you be missed? 

And Getting What We Want

 When our value system is not clear, getting what we want can be a bigger tragedy. The story of King Midas says it all. 

THE MIDAS TOUCH

•  We all know the story of the greedy king named Midas. He had a lot of gold and the more he had the more he wanted. He stored all the gold in his vaults and used to spend time every day counting it. One day while he was counting a stranger came from nowhere and said he would grant him a wish. The king was delighted and said, "I would like everything I touch to turn to gold." The stranger asked the king, Are you sure?" The king replied, "Yes." So the stranger said, "Starting tomorrow morning with the sun rays you will get the golden touch." The king thought he must be dreaming, this couldn't be true. But the next day when he woke up, he touched the bed, his clothes, and everything turned to gold. He looked out of the window and saw his daughter playing in the garden. He decided to give her a surprise and thought she would be happy. But before he went to the garden he decided to read a book. The moment he touched it, it turned into gold and he couldn't read it. Then he sat to have breakfast and the moment he touched the fruit and the glass of water, they turned to gold. He was getting hungry and he said to himself, "I can't eat and drink gold." Just about that time his daughter came running and he hugged her and she turned into a gold statue. There were no more smiles left. The king bowed his head and started crying. The stranger who gave the wish came again and asked the king if he was happy with his golden touch. The king said he was the most miserable man. The stranger asked, "What would you rather have, your food and loving daughter or lumps of gold and her golden statue?" The king cried and asked for forgiveness. He said, "I will give up all my gold. Please give me my daughter back because without her I have lost everything wo rth having." The stranger said to the king, "You have become wiser than before" and he reversed the spell. He got his daughter back in his arms and the king learned a lesson that he never forget for the rest of his life.

 What is the moral of the story?

 1. Distorted values lead to tragedy. 

2. Sometimes getting what you want may be a bigger tragedy than not getting what you want.

 3. Unlike the game of soccer where players can be substituted, the game of life allows no substitutions or replays. We may not get a second chance to reverse our tragedies, as the king did.

THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF TRAGEDIES IN LIFE

 1. Not Getting What We Want 
A CREED FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SUFFERED

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.

 I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey . . .


I asked for health, that I might do greater things.

 I was given infirmity, that I might do better things ... 


I asked for riches, that I might be happy.

 I was given poverty, that I might be wise ...


I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.

 I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God .. .


 I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.

 I was given life, that I might enjoy all things ... 


I got nothing I asked for--but everything I had hoped for. 


Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

 I, among all men, am most richly blessed!                          --Anonymous